Caught Cold
by swallowedminds
Summary: Knockout AU where no one is shot. "And that is the biggest piece of crap you've said so far," shouts Kate, pointing her finger directly at his chest. "Why don't you just say it?" Taking a step closer, she says it again, adding more taunt to her voice while their eyes connect. "Why don't you say it, say it while I'm on two feet and not being shot at!"
1. Chapter 1

_Caught Cold:_ _a boxing term used to describe a fighter knocked out early in a fight, who was not mentally prepared or warmed up properly._

* * *

"KATE!"

It scares the shit out of her.

She's never heard Castle raise his voice like that in the years she's known him. Before she even has time to dwell on it or ask why he's screaming, she's on the ground and then everybody is screaming. The first sight she registers is Castle's handsome face, so dangerously close to hers, the bright blue sky behind him complimenting his gorgeous, gorgeous eyes.

Something must've happened, but she isn't sure what, just knows the man on top of her is looking at her like she's dead and tears are forming in his eyes and what is going on? Don't cry, Castle.

"Ca-Cas-"

"Shh, no. Don't speak. Just stay with me, okay? Kate, stay with me. Stay with me. I love you. I love you, Kate."

She doesn't know what to say, the words get lost coming up her throat and the air is suddenly so thick she can't breathe. Somewhere in the distance she hears her name being called.

 _Beckett! Beckett's down._

Beckett's down? What?

Was there a shooter?

Closing her eyes, Beckett waits for the burn of a bullet, but there's nothing, just the warmth of Castle's body on hers.

"Castle," she grits out, opening her eyes and hands coming up to push against his chest. He has one knee between her legs and she can't maneuver around him. "I'm-I'm fine. I wasn't hit."

Relief flashes across his face, his entire being deflating with it, shoulders sagging and eyes wide. He runs his hands down over her chest and stomach, making sure there are no entry wounds. And when he finds nothing, he smiles and it's brighter than the sun beaming down on them.

"Get off of me, Castle," and she tries not to sound hostile, but it comes out bitingly anyway. The way he makes her feel…she can't deal with it now. He makes her want to drop everything and live in the strength of his embrace. But someone just tried to kill her and as much as she wants to stay with him, she can't. She needs to make sure she's alive for their inevitable conversation.

His words are spinning around in her head, throwing her off balance.

"Beckett? Beckett, you all right?" Esposito asks, coming to stand next to her and Castle at the podium.

"Yeah, yeah it missed me. We know where the shot came from?" She pointedly doesn't look at Castle, who is drilling a hole in her head next to her. At the moment, she doesn't think she can handle it...him… his words.

The words that touched her heart.

After the funeral she was going to pull him aside, finally talk about all the things they don't talk about, but now maybe they won't have to. It's just not the right _time_ now.

Ryan comes running over then with a couple uniforms, a little out of breath and angry as hell. "We heard the shot come from over there," he explains pointing across the cemetery. "But no sign of him. It's like he didn't even want to see if he hit you or not."

"He would have, had it not been for Castle," Esposito points out, gestures towards her partner with a nod of gratitude and this is when she allows her eyes to drift to him.

He's staring at her already when she turns and from the intensity of his gaze, he's not letting go. _He's not letting go._

"Dad!"

"Richard!" Alexis and Martha shout out at the same time and Kate steps away to let them talk to Castle, but it takes them yanking on his arm to get him to break his gaze with her. She's relieved just as much as she is disappointed. After they fought, she couldn't stop thinking about what he said about them, and she started hoping that maybe they could give 'them' a try. But now she knows how far over the line he's crossed and it's thrown her off guard.

He knows he's exposed. He's played his hand and now it's her move.

Castle makes it so hard to focus, her feelings for him distracting her in every way, but she can't think about that, him, _them_ right now!

This case is far from over and it's just gotten a whole lot more complicated.

Her heart and her mind are at war and she isn't sure which side she wants to win. It's game of tug-of-war and she's the flag in the middle, getting jerked around in the mud.

"Beckett, we're gonna get more uniforms together. And back up is on the way. We'll find the bastard who took a shot at you," Ryan says before running off in the direction of the shot.

After that it's just chaos over the next few hours; her father wants to take her home, Lanie wants to check to make sure she isn't going into shock, Castle sends her a thousand and one texts asking to talk after she sent him home with his mother and daughter, couldn't risk his life in case the shooter returned to finish the job. She wants to go to the precinct. If there's nothing left to do out here, then at her desk is where she needs to be. If someone is trying to kill her, then that's the safest place for her now.

* * *

He insisted on seeing her home when he showed up at the precinct a few hours after she sent him off with his family, and she didn't have the energy to protest when he got in the back of Esposito's cruiser. It's been a hell of a day and she needed the presence of her partner.

The shooter got away. Ryan's back at the precinct combing through traffic cams, but there were cars going in and out of the cemetery all day and who's to say it wasn't a cop?

A group of dirty cops is how this all started, whoever was holding Lockwood's (and Montgomery's) leash could have more cops in his arsenal and paid them to take her out.

The shooter could be hiding in plain sight. After taking statements, a couple of uniforms spotted a grounds keeper taking cover just before the shot, but they interviewed all the employees there. No one was scheduled to be in that part of the cemetery.

Thinking about this is giving her a headache. Already her mind aches from all the running around she's been doing: taking statements, comforting her father, checking traffic cams, avoiding Castle and the disappointment drooling off him, and talking with CSU. This is not to mention the body pain she's felt since her partner tackled her to the ground.

But it seems like he's the only one who can soothe that ache too.

Kate leaves her apartment door open so Castle can follow her in. It's weird having him back here. Just this morning he was here swearing to keep Roy Montgomery a hero in the eyes of the people, and before that they fought. About everything they never talk about. A can of worms opened and spilled for them to see, no secrets.

And now that he's back and they're alone, he's going to want to talk about the second can he spilled this morning.

She's not ready.

It's real, it's too real. How did they go from having simple feelings to…to love? Those words caught her so off guard, he nearly snatched the air from her lungs.

"Beckett," he says closing her apartment door and she can tell from his tone of voice that she's not going to like what he has to say. He tried to get her to stop investigating again at the precinct, but she quickly shut him down.

Kate sighs, walks into the kitchen to pour herself a drink. She shoots it back, pours another, and another to dull the pain.

Still in her uniform, she tosses her hat aside and lets her hair out of its bun, the strands falling freely at her sides. Bowing her head and leaning against the counter Kate exhales, loud enough for Castle to hear, hoping he'll give her a day, just a day before reality has to come back crashing down on her.

"Kate-"

"I'm not really in the mood for a lecture, Castle."

"And I'm not about to give you one." She turns to face him, knows she's looks awful from the day's events, and self-consciously smooths her hair down. If he notices what she does, he doesn't let on. "I wanted to see how you were holding up. Can't be easy, knowing someone tried to kill you."

Kate shrugs, and maybe it's the fatigue finally settling in her bones, but she makes a noncommittal sound that shows she's annoyed. She wishes he would just get to the point of this and stop beating around the bush. They both know why he's here.

"And he'll keep coming until the job is done."

"What's your point, Castle?"

He shakes his head, shoves both hands in his pockets so she can't see that he's clenched them. "My point is, is that you just buried your captain over this case-"

"Yeah, I did!" She takes a threatening step forward, ready to fight him on this all over again. But then his face softens and a little bit of that adorable boyish face returns, instead of that hard, cold front he puts on. "That's someone else," she says sternly, talking through her teeth, "who deserves justice."

"That's another person sacrificed for this case. Tell me, was it worth it?"

"Are you saying Montgomery dying was my fault?" And she takes another heavy step forward, the anger swelling up inside her chest so hot it's boiling her blood, making her skin red and blotchy, her eyes hard as steel.

"No!" Castle shakes his head, but doesn't let go of her gaze, takes a step closer to her as well. "I'm asking, is nothing more important to you than this case?"

"She was my mother!"

"I saw the way your father looked at you when he saw you were alive," he says, not missing a beat. "You're killing him, Kate, every day you work this case and put yourself closer to the grave. Does your life mean nothing to you?" he fumes, crowding into her territory, but she doesn't back down, keeps her eyes locked with his. "What about your family, the boys," he rattles before something like realization passes over him. "Your life," he says, voice barely a whisper and it's then she notices he's on the verge of tears. "Means so much. Find something to live for, Kate."

Kate takes a step back finally, breaking their eye contact when she looks away and warns, "Live for who, Castle? You? I have a boyfriend." Cheap shot, but she can't control herself when she's angry.

"Oh, don't feed me that bullshit! You and I both know why you're with him so let's cut the crap, huh?"

"Oh you wanna talk crap?" she growls, swinging around to face him. "Let's start with why you're really here!" she yells.

"I'm here because I don't want you to throw your life away!"

"And that is the biggest piece of crap you've said so far," shouts Kate, pointing her finger directly at his chest. "Why don't you just say it?" Taking a step closer, she says it again, adding more taunt to her voice while their eyes connect. "Why don't you say it, say it while I'm on two feet and not being shot at!"

"Agh!" he exclaims, brow furrowed and he runs his fingers through his hair, leaves it a spikey mess on the top of his head. A part of her wants to smooth it back down. He turns away from her, taking one step back into her living room before letting his hands fall at his sides, "You know what?" He faces her again but only stares for a moment before he's charging after her, his stride never wavering.

Both his hands come up to cup her face in his palms and Kate only has time to take one small step backwards before his mouth is descending upon hers and he's bending her back, walking until her back hits the counter and he has her cornered.

It's scary just as much as is it is hot. It's raw and needy and fast. He tastes like freedom and relief and power; he feels like sunshine, warming her body. She's not sure who's moaning more, all she can register is his hands on the back of her neck and on her waist, traveling down to cup her ass.

God, it's so good, he's so good, filling the parts of her that have been empty for too long, warming her lonely bones. It's been too long since she's been touched liked this, loved like this.

It's everything she's ever wanted, everything she's been waiting so long for.

But then he's pulling away all too soon and she doesn't like it, turns his head to recapture his mouth, but he pulls away again, this time taking several steps back. She's about to ask him what's wrong when she hears the sound of a key in her front door, but before she has time to react Josh is marching into her apartment looking as pissed as she's ever seen him.

"A sniper? At a funeral? What the hell, Kate? You couldn't even call me to let me know!" he roars. "I had to find out about it on the news."

Josh hasn't noticed Castle and the situation is making her so uncomfortable that she cuts her eyes to Castle repeatedly, who is watching them with cautious eyes. Her boyfriend follows her line of sight until he sees her partner standing just a few feet away.

Turning back to her he mouths, "What the hell is he doing in here?"

Kate puts her hands up in defense while also trying to placate her boyfriend. "He came to make sure I got in safely."

"Really? And how long has he been here?" He says, pointing for a second in Castle's direction.

"He's my partner, Josh," Kate explains. "He always makes sure I'm safe."

Josh sighs, annoyance bleeding through his skin. "That's all?"

"That's all." She lies easily. She's been lying to him since their relationship began.

Josh glances up at Castle to make sure he's watching then faces Kate once more. "I have to head back to the hospital, but I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

"I'm fine. Castle actually saved my life," she gestures towards Castle, but Josh pays him no mind. He leans in, takes her shoulders in both hands and kisses her. Hard. Mouth open and wet against hers and he pushes their faces so close together their teeth graze. He's never kissed her like this before, and it hurts. Kate's not sure if it's physical or emotional, but it hurts, it's too much. Her eyes open, find Castle's staring right into her while Josh assaults her mouth.

He pulls away a moment later, making their mouths part on a loud pop, and then glares at Castle as he backs away. "I'll call you later," he informs her before walking out her apartment, his glare never wavering from Castle.

Kate doesn't know what to say; her mouth hangs open from shock, and she stands inert in the middle of her kitchen, breathing heavy, afraid to flick her gaze towards the other man in the room.

"C-"

"-don't worry about it," he says, hands back in pockets, and from his tone of voice he's pushed his emotions back. Glancing back up, Castle's got his head bowed, his shoulders slumped over. She's hurt him, she's broken him. That was never her intention.

"Castle I-"

"I'm gonna go." Castle walks over to her front door without giving her another glance. "But you shouldn't stay here. Someone's trying to kill you," he says with his back turned. "You need to go somewhere safe. Like a hospital," he spits before walking out of her apartment and slamming the door shut.

Kate's overcome with a sense of déjà vu, remnants of their last argument echoing in her empty apartment. This time it feels so final, as if he's not coming back.

She pushed him, she pushed him into saying things he couldn't, into doing things he shouldn't, and then treated him like he meant nothing. Josh ruined another potentially beautiful thing between them just by showing up.

Why did she let Josh kiss her?

She can't lose her partner, not now, not after everything that's just happened.

She needs to go somewhere safe? Well, Kate knows the _perfect_ place.

* * *

 _Thank you Amy for your wonderful help on this. You are truly an amazing beta, I'm so happy we found each other :)_


	2. Chapter 2

Sorry doesn't even begin to cover how long this took. Thanks for the support and those who are still with me.

* * *

She thought some time alone in the shower would give her some perspective. It doesn't. If anything, it makes this entire situation all the more complicated because she's left alone with her thoughts. Bad ideas and worst case scenarios bounce off the walls of her mind, making her dizzy, and the heat from the shower does nothing to help.

It's been well over an hour since Castle left her apartment, but it's not that late, she thinks. The water cascades down over her tender body, still in pain from the day's events.

She keeps running over everything in her mind, like a CD stuck on replay; Castle confessing his love for her, the case, (thinking about how someone wants her dead has her bones rattling, ready to break down at every creak and click in her apartment) kissing Castle, kissing Josh. It almost seems like an equation and she wishes she could just add everything together and take away the parts she doesn't want to be left with one simple solution, but life's not that simple and math's not that easy.

She's been packing her feelings for him away, overstuffing the closet, sweeping them underneath the proverbial rug for so long that when he stared into her eyes at the cemetery and put his heart out on a line, it was as if that closet door burst, firing out all her feelings at rapid succession. And amidst the rubbish, she found her heart again, and it's beaming and beating with love for him too.

But she can't stop thinking about _why_ he told her. Why didn't he tell her the first time they fought in her apartment when she asked him about not wanting anything to happen to her? He couldn't have just fallen in love with her between then and now. A part of her, a great amount, believes he only told her because he thought she was dying.

Of course she could be going about this all wrong, but her twisted, sleep-deprived mind makes her think that's the only reason he said it, could it be that he didn't mean it? He could still have feelings for her, sure, but that doesn't have to necessarily mean it's love. Right?

It has to be at least eleven thirty now and she's been in here for at least 40 minutes. Turning the water off, she reaches for a towel, and steps out of the shower. The temperature difference is instant when she leaves the bathroom.

She shivers, exhales into the silent air. And she waits beat, takes it all in, the silence.

How many nights has she spent yearning for his touch, his heart, his lips against her own? And now that she knows how he feels, completely, all those nights, all that need hits her at once. But she can't let her body make these decisions for her or she's going to end up with one foot out the door with Castle like she is with Josh.

The short cut is obvious here, but if she wants to do this, she needs to do it right. They need to talk, clear the air and she needs to tell him how she feels. Apologize for Josh and the stupid, stupid game she's played.

Kate's going through her underwear drawer, trying to find something that's not presumptuous, but won't make her seem like a prude either. What happens tonight completely depends on Castle, his feelings, and his explanation for why he decided to tell her he loved her when she was faced with danger.

Before she has time to dress, Josh is back in her apartment, much calmer than he was earlier, but she can still see his frustration etched in the lines of his face, the tension in his muscles.

"Josh?"

"Hey, Kate." His voice is raspy, his eyes glassy as they move over her body. Not in a lewd way, but more of a he's happy she's alive way. It makes what she has to do a little harder. "Come'ere."

She doesn't, but he comes for her anyway, wraps his arms around her small frame, and it's not the hug she's been longing for. It's not the hug she wanted after almost having died today and the disappointment she feels wells up inside her so quickly, her eyes start to sting, and her knees want to give out. These are not the arms she craves.

"I'm just so happy you're okay," he whispers into the top of her head.

Kate tears herself away from his arms, holds the towel that's about to fall up with one hand when she does. "Josh, we need to talk."

* * *

When she gets to his place there's no hesitation in her knocking on the door. She just does it, has no idea where this sudden burst of confidence came from, but she's going to use it. Especially if he decides he doesn't want to see her.

The door swings open a moment later, revealing her very pissed partner.

"What do you want?"

"We need to talk."

"I think we've done enough of that for today. Don't you think?"

"No, actually. I think we did a lot of yelling," she reasons, taking step forward to move past him into the loft. "And there's something else I need to say."

Castle shuts the door behind her, then turns to face her. Expressionless. "Well go ahead and say it. I'm all ears." His voice is dripping sarcasm, but Kate's next words surprise him.

"I'm sorry."

Castle takes a step back, leans against the front door. "What for? No need to apologize for anything."

"I don't expect anything from you," he continues, turning in the direction of his office.

"Castle, just stop. Okay? I'm sorry not just for letting him kiss me, but for-" He stops and glances back at her, hands in fists at his sides. "-everything."

"You have nothing to be sorry for, Beckett."

"Will you please just talk to me, Castle? I'm sorry, okay! I broke up with him."

Castle huffs, crosses his arms. "Why?"

The threat of tears begin to sting her eyes and suddenly all the fight begins draining out of her. "You know why," she whispers, throat closing up. "Because-I-I want to be with you."

Castle doesn't speak for a few moments, just stares at her slack jawed and hands hanging at his sides.

"But there's something I need to know, Castle." He nods, takes a step back in her direction and Kate takes that as a sign of winning him back. "Why now?"

He flashes her a quizzical look, his brow furrowing as he steps in her direction. "What do you mean?"

"Why did you tell me," she can't bring herself to say the words just yet, the raw truth of _I love you_ still ringing in her ears. "When you thought I was dying?"

"I wanted you to know," he murmurs. "Just in case...I wanted you to know, but I was gonna tell you anyway."

Kate meets his gaze and erases the rest of the distance between them until their bodies are only inches apart. "So you didn't just-"

"Say it to say it? Kate, come on. You had to have known. After everything we've been through together?" He shakes his head, reaches down to grasp her waist. "I needed you to know. I know my timing wasn't the best, but you had to know."

Kate sighs, full of relief, and buries her face in his neck, wraps her arms around him.

"Thank you for coming over," he says.

"We weren't going to leave it like that, Castle."

"No. But you came tonight. I didn't think you would."

She untucks her face from his neck to meet his eyes. He holds her gaze, but doesn't speak. Flicking her eyes to his lips, she leans in to pepper a small kiss to his mouth.

"With this sniper out for my life, the least I could do is let you know how I felt about you in case-"

"Kate-"

"Shh," she places a gentle finger across his lips, knowing exactly where he was headed. "I know."

Castle huffs a breath and his hold on her waist grows more secure. "Well, at least tell me how you feel about me."

"Didn't I say that already?" she smiles.

Castle laughs as he responds. "No, nope don't think you did."

"Hmm." Kate takes both his hands in hers and pulls them in the direction of his bedroom. "How about I show you instead?"

* * *

As much as she tries, Kate just can't get her breathing under control. She tried to display confidence when she took Castle's hand and led him through to his bedroom, but inside her nerves are constantly wracking her. Her blood is boiling, her skin so sensitive she can feel the heat radiating off his body without even touching him.

She wants to know what he's thinking, if he's just as nervous as she is. After wanting this for so long she's afraid she'll mess it up, screw them up the way she did when she ignored his declaration of love.

Kate turns to him, her heart beating erratically at his close proximity. And as she holds his eyes, she knows exactly what it is she wants.

She wants him to devour her.

They haven't even done anything yet, and already she can feel herself falling over the edge. And he just stares. He's still looking uncertain, as if this is still a bad idea. It's not, Castle, she wants to say. They've already waited so long to do this, and they've come this far, no way is she turning back now.

Kate tugs the strap of her bra down her shoulder and his eyes immediately flick down to her chest. His gaze like a caress to her already sensitive skin and she shivers, the anticipation driving her insane. Her hair gets caught in the strap as she tries to push it down and he moves it aside for her just as she thinks he's going to back out. But something flashes in his eyes, a dark cloud, much like when he first slammed her into her kitchen counter. It's then he backs her onto the bed and all she can think is _shit this is really happening_.

When she's flat on the bed, she kisses him again and tingles race through her body, a warm fuzziness tickling everywhere he touches. Both her hands cup his face and he groans when she deepens the kiss, the sound heading straight to her core, her back arching when his hands roam the expanse of her stomach, warmth seeping into her skin, causing delicious fires that burn her just right, that leave her a panting aching mess.

Her breathing halts when his mouth travels back to her neck, her fingers tightening around his back. And when he moves down to her collarbone while his hands make work of removing her cardigan, she moans deep and loud. He's sucking on every patch of skin he exposes and it feels so good that breathing seems like such a waste of time. His fingers play at the hem of her jeans, the pads of his fingers tickling her hip bones. She bites her lip, tries not to fall apart at the simplicity of his touches.

He lifts her slightly off the bed to remove the shirt from her back, and with their foreheads kissing he whispers, "you're not breathing, Beckett." His voice is deep, full of lust, the sound pure bliss to her ears.

"Breathe, Kate," he says as his hand travels down her chest, squeezing and palming her breasts through her the black fabric of her bra. Eyes drifting closed, she lets out a shaky breath, but then his hand keeps traveling to the waist of her jeans without any preamble to stop. And her muscles to clench, tighter and tighter the closer he gets to home. When his hand slips past the barrier of her underwear and finds her hot and wet, she keens. Air won't come fast enough, then his fingers are doing an amazing dance inside her and she falls back against the mattress, all pretense of trying to be quiet gone out the door when he starts making her feel like magic.

"Shh," he murmurs.

She can't hear him over the pounding of blood in her ears. Her heartbeat going a million beats a second. Flares of electricity are flying through her as his fingers circle her clit and she grips the sheets, trying desperately not to fall over the edge to soon, but _fuck_ if he keeps doing that she won't be able to hold on. But then he's moving those fingers, the ones casting spells on her body way too soon and she doesn't have the energy to be embarrassed by the whimpers escaping her throat. Let him see, let him see what he does to her.

She groans, desperate to have him inside again, but he just presses his soft lips to hers as if that makes up for the loss of amazing sensation.

Even though her eyes are closed she can still feel the smug smile he's displaying, but when she opens her them he's staring at her in awe and so much love that her heart swells and she's so overcome with emotion that she wants to just tell him how much she loves him, how much he means to her. Instead, she smashes her mouth to his, wraps her legs around his waist and flips them over. Her hair curtains their faces, trapping them together in a world where only they exist. It grazes his shoulders, and he groans when she presses down on his lap. His hands cup her butt and squeeze before traveling up the plains of her back and finding the latch on her bra.

The material slides down her arms and lands on his chest and she notices as his eyes take in her breasts as her chest is bare before him. Both hands come up her sides until they wrap around each breast. Then finally he squeezes, causing her legs to tighten around him and her head to bow. She's waited so long for this, his hands on her body, warm and large, doing wicked things to her and _yesss_. This is exactly what she wants.

Leaning down to kiss him again, she undulates her hips in tiny little circles against his lap, a guttural groan spilling from his throat as the bulge in his pants grows a little firmer. It spurs her on and she grinds her hips deeper into him, teasing him through the barrier of their pants.

"Kaaate," he husks in her ear, the bass of his voice so deep it reverberates through her veins, bounces around the rungs of her ribs, and settles in her chest.

"Get these off!" she demands, lifting her body to undo his belt. "I need you. _Now_."

"Oh, I need you too, Kate," he smirks, voice deep and husky. "As you can see."

His voice sends chills right down her spine and it does not help.

Shut up. _Shut up._ Or she is going to lose it.

Kate pulls his pants and boxers down together and when she sees him there, _him_ , it takes away what little control she has left. She goes to undo her own jeans, but Castle gets there first, bumping her fingers out of the way. He takes his time, letting each tooth on her zipper make the quiet zip until her pants are undone.

"Are you kidding me?" she huffs, pushing his chest away and taking them the rest of the way off. Kate crawls back up his body and kisses that stupid smirk off his face.

Her core grazes his length and she hisses, her inner muscles clenching around nothing.

Taking him in her palm she guides him to her entrance, but Castle flips them over before she can sink down.

His gaze never wavers as he pushes inside and right there in that moment she's never felt more complete.

"Are you okay?" he asks, but she's not listening, too busy staring at the stars bursting behind her eyes.

"I love you," she breathes, undulating her hips underneath him. He's blushing, trying to hide his boyish grin, and she laughs, runs her fingers through his hair. "Let me show you."


End file.
